Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
