I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
