i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
