every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
