What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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