Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
