I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
