This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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