So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
