My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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