i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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