those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
