just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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