Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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