Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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