Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
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the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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