Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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