I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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