Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
