I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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