Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
