You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i now understand why vodka
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
