what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
