i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
