I just saw a hot homeless man
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
