lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
