I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
