i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
