I looked at my own cervix.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
