Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
