Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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