She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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