My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
