So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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