well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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