He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
