Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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