High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
