I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
