So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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