thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
