If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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