Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
