During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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