dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Vodka?
Forever.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
