Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
