Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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