Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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