My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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