sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
