hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
