did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
