Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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