The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
