And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
