I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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