the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
