it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
