saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
