So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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