What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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