unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
