he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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