You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
