it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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