dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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