i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
