Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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