I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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