he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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