My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
