ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
