i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
