i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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