woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
